A Letter to My-12 Years Old-self

Dearest my-12 years old-self,
it has been circa 8 years since the past I barely wanted to talk about, the most depressive year we have ever experienced in our almost 20 years life. And that was you on the picture, the old me. The “little” — well couldn’t say so since you were taller than most of the girls your age — girl who had no idea about what life was gonna do to bring her down, changing her life since then.

When I looked back to the past — which I rarely do, I realized how much I have changed (in a better way, of course). How I used to hate my life, myself — including my body — the most. I used to be the most dedicated hater on my own world.

Have I stopped then?

No.

Not yet, yet right now I am also trying hard — really — to love my whole self.

But, congratulations that you did survive. Life was, is, and will always be shit to us, but you did a good job that we’re still alive till I’m 20 (in 6 months). And there is this one most important thing you should’ve known, I love you — with all my heart. Eventhough I know you were such a dumbass student, you were a potato face that no boy ever wanted, you had a resting bitch face who never really smiled, or whatever. No matter how talentless or useless you were back then, whatever, I love you.

I’m — really — sorry that I used to hate you, I’m ashamed of you and wanted you (somehow) to be forgotten.

Last but not least, let me say thank you. That you’ve made this so far. For being strong. For not letting the depression and suicidal thoughts win. For not giving up on our life. Thank you.

With tons of hugs and kisses,

your-8 years later-self. 💕

 

Untuk 30 Hari Bercerita #6

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