So, I haven’t told you that I had a crush on someone who was my classmate on grade X. Yes. I had a crush on him like really. I’ve been keeping these feelings for less than a year but more than 6 months. He has a twin. And he’s the coldest one. One of the coldest guy I have ever met in my life. We used to be close when we were in the same class, and we had like a few cute memories together but since we are not in the same class anymore. Everything has changed. And last week, I decided to tell him how I feel. It was like the hardest decision ever, I felt so nervous yet happy yet confused. With a push from my closest friends, I did it. Even two days before I decided to do so, I saw him on the cafetaria with a girl who is his classmate right now. I got so so so jealous that I think that something inside me is burning and it brings my mood down. But I still did it. I told him that I like him by text because I have not enough confidence to tell him face to face. So yeah, I texted him like “hi i think i’m going to tell you something” “what is it?” “i like you a little bit too much it hurts” and then he asked me why does it hurt and i told him why. I thought he will be like “omg she’s so silly and crazy” but then he was just like, “aw okay it won’t ruin our friendship and i’m okay if you still want to keep your feeling or not” and oh shit screw it, it actually gives me hope and we were texting for like two days but it suddenly stops because Monday. Yes monday. Which means school. Back then, on this Monday I saw him around but I pretend I didn’t and so did he. So we’re just like strangers. Then bammmm… I saw that freaking girl around him again and again. So I told my friend to ask her whether she is close to my crush or not or if she has feelings for him. *ps : I already asked him so too, anyways. And he told me that she is just a normal friend. ugh bullshit?* and guess what? She asked if I were the one who asks so! It’s unbelieveable. Since no one knows about if-I-had-a-crush-on-him but my close friends. And one of my friend, told me that could be him who tells her so but I just can’t believe it. He is so not like that to be honest. After a friend of mine asked her about that, she made a status on social media which says, “Should I give up?” with a sad emoticon. Ugh. Screw you. And about 30 minutes later I saw them both *that guy and that gurl* near the library, even with all of their classmates, I still got so jealous! Oh so… time passes and I think on Wednesday, I texted him on the evening, asking how was the Japanese and Chemistry test he just got. And he said that went smoothly. At least he replied, I thought. Then I asked him about why does he want to be a doctor, why is he so diligent, and why why why about him. I don’t really talk about me, like never because he doesn’t seem to care about it so why should I talk about it in front of him? Even talking to him about nonsense could make me so happy, so I tried my best not to kill the conversation but at least he always ends it by not replying back to me. Yesterday, on Friday, I saw him around when his class just finished the music class. I saw him with his twin, his twin’s closest girl friend *which is his girlfriend to be*, and that freaking girl. So. I just… yeah. Being so hyperactive because if I am not so sad then I’m being so happy which means being so hyperactive. I didn’t really care about it. When I got home I texted him like two times but he didn’t reply. Okay. This morning, we went to the city hall. With all the XI grade and X grade and some of those students from other school. Before we went there, I met up with some of my friends to go there together. One of my friend, told me that yesterday he saw the twins with that freaking gurl! He told me that gurl was sick so the twins wait for her and take care of her and I don’t care! Ugh. But the jealousy comes again. I saw her getting so close with him. Eating at McDonalds together with him and all I can see is happiness on his face. I cried. Two times. And it’s still morning. It hurts a lot. I just can’t handle it. The tears just suddenly come streams down on my face and that was silly. I feel so stupid but I can’t help it. I tried to fight with my feelings and try to control them. But then my friend told me that they both were driving back together to school which makes me more jealous. So I started crying again. And I don’t know. I looked so pathetic today even the teacher asked me if I were sick. So I was just smiling and told her I’m okay and I am not sick. That was so…… sad. I can’t believe I finally cried for a guy. A guy whom is as cold as an ice. </3 *Sleeping With Sirens’ Fuck You is playing as my soundtrack of the day*

I saw you driving down town with the boy I love and I’m like, “Fuck you!”


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s